I am going to use this Blog site not to debate issues but deal with human compassion issues that my family experiences through out this tour. It is kind of going to be like my journal. If you want to comment please free to do so.
My husbandis a Canadian Soldier. He is in the infantry. He has been gone 3 months and my life has not been pleasant. There have been a lot of ups and downs. We have 2 children under the age of 3. A house full of animals. A house that is full of fear. My husband is on the front lines. I am lucky if I can talk to him once a month. He is always outside the wire. I am very proud of him but scared at the same time. I wish I had the right words to express the way I feel. It is so hard to try to stay positive for your kids sake and deal with lives everyday turns because in the back of your mind you know the possibility of what can happen. Everyday I look at the news and if nothing is in the news about Afghanistan then I try to go on with my day, Thinking " no news is good news" Canadians debate about our soldiers all the time. But I ask you what about the families of these fine Men and Woman. We are the ones that also sacrifice. You need to understand that our spouses are just not gone for 6 months to a year on tour. There is also a year of work of training. It is a roller coaster of emotions before our spouses even deploy overseas. This roller coaster I would not wish on anyone.
To give you some background information, I remember the day I had to say goodbye to him. It was raining that day. We drove to the base in silence. It was a really hard silence. All we did was hold hands. My 3 yr old had no idea what was going on. ALL she knew was Daddy was going away to Afghanistan to help children from the Monsters. After all the speeches and the paperwork. My husband walked us to the car and helped me put the kids in the car. Then all hell broke loose. We lost it. I started crying. I felt like I was sending my spouse off to die. I believe in this tour and I believe in what my husband is doing but I was very scared. After he left there at the car. I had to sit there for a few minutes with tears falling down my face. Then I drove home.
The first couple of weeks were the hardest because I was a single mom. No sleep at night cause the baby was up. No sleep because I was constantly worried about my husband. Then things seemed to get into a routine. I found a website for spouses of the Canadian forces. I realized that there were hundreds of other spouses going through the same things.
Then 2 months went by, not quickly I may add but they went by. We lost 2 soldiers during this time. I had to explain my 3 old why " daddies Friends died" she heard me talking about it on the phone. If anyone had to explain to a 3 old something like this.. It is not the eased thing to do. When the first 2 passed on, I felt compassion for the families but at the same time, you say a little prayer because it was not your spouse. Then you feel guilt because you understand what the families of the fallen must be going through.
Then my spouse came home for HTLA ( for those that don't know- this is an 18 day leave) I think this was the toughest because you had 2 months experience of the tour and you don't want them to go back. I told my hubby that I will break his legs. But you let them go back because they believe in the mission. They see first hand the things they are doing to help the Afghan people. I think the hardest goodbye I said was at the airport. I was throwing up in the parking lot because I was so upset. I made my husband promise that he was coming home. I told him.. Not in a coffin but heart beating. He said yes. I let him go again. All I had was that God was protecting him. Then all the media and the debate in the house in commons started. I felt sick reading everyone's opinions. Here I am.. My husband is in harms way and no one understands. They all want to increase the polls and their political party. This upsets the military community because for how many years was our military left to the wolves. No one cared. But all of a sudden people starting caring in my opinion in a negative aspect. Where was everyone before? They are with their families in their comfy jobs. They don't live this life on a day to day basis. What about the families that cope with everything and still keep positive. You need to understand when things go wrong at the homefront and your spouse phones. You can't tell them, you can't vent on them. No you have to be positive, because they have enough to worry about. I think this is the hardest part of the tour because when I shipped my husband overseas. I not only lost my husband for the tour, I lost my best friend. But we cope and personally I believe when our soldiers come home they get a medal. But I think the spouses also deserve a medal because we also sacrifice so much. We have to be the mother, the father and the the update person for all the family.
